Returning Home
by Dirty Dingler
Summary: After the destruction of the Reapers, Tali struggles to regain a lost sense of belonging. Post-Mass Effect 3, extended cut destruction ending. Tali x Shep.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"...Reconstruction of the streets of London has officially begun today, as a combination of city workers and civilians got to work on the charred remnants of Piccadilly Circus just a few hours ago. This is simply the first step in what will surely be a long rebuilding process. Representatives of the city would like me to remind you that they are severely undermanned in their efforts to rebuild the city, and that they are currently accepting all able-bodied men and women of all races to help as volunteers. With your assistance, we can restore London to its former glory..."

Tali absently stared at the battle-stained news reporter on the monitor, her attention fading into and out of focus at frequent intervals. Since the fall of the Reapers about a week ago, it had become very hard for her to hold her attention on anything for longer than a couple of minutes. And when she did lose interest in whatever she had been doing previously, her thoughts would inevitably go back to the man that many now referred to as the Hero of the Galaxy.

"Want a drink?"

Tali looked up to see Garrus sitting down next to her on the couch. The two of them had laid claim to a single flat in a huge, largely-destroyed apartment complex in the heart of London. It would have been considered a luxurious apartment back before the war, but now, little more than the beds remained in working order. The lack of running water rendered the bathroom and the kitchen utterly useless, and a large hole in the wall of the living room granted them a unabridged view of the streets of London from the tenth floor of the complex. Power across the city had been mostly restored, but working electronics were hard to come by. But, given the circumstances, it almost seemed like a haven.

With all that was going on, the few remaining London authorities didn't mind if the rubble and destroyed buildings were used as free shelter for the very few survivors; in fact, most supported the idea. The apartment complex that Garrus and Tali were a part of had become something of a Turian shelter. Dozens of Turian soldiers who had been on Earth during the final battle and survived now occupied the building. There were even a couple ballrooms on the ground floor of the facility that were converted into makeshift military command stations, in an attempt to coordinate the depleted Turian military.

"No, thanks." Tali muttered quietly with a slight shake of her head.

"Come on, this is some of the finest ale that Turians have to offer." Garrus urged. "I even brought you a straw...erm, 'emergency induction port,' I mean."

She could tell that he had been hoping for some kind of smile or laugh at this light attempt at humor, but she didn't even give him so much as a nod. After a minute or two, when it became apparent to him that she would not yield, Garrus retracted his outstretched hand containing the ale. He instead poured himself a glass and leaned back on the sofa in silence.

"Shepard told you about that, huh?" She asked after another minute of silence.

"He always did have a big mouth." Garrus replied.

"I miss him, Garrus." Tali said quietly.

"I know." He replied. He then leaned forward, grabbed his bottle of ale and poured another glass. He handed it to her say, "Here, drink. For me."

Tali begrudgingly accepted the glass, and casually began to swirl its contents in her hand as she stared off into the distance. Through the hole in the wall of the living room, she had a perfect view of the setting sun, which was just beginning to disappear beyond the horizon.

"What did military command want?" She asked.

"They were just trying to raise communications with Palaven." Garrus replied with a shrug. "Again."

"Did you get anything?" She asked.

"Nothing." Garrus replied shortly. "It looks like I'm going to be stuck here for a while."

"You and me both." Tali said with a sigh.

"Yeah...well, it's no Palaven, but I guess I can make due here on Earth." He said facetiously, staring out the huge hole in the living room wall.

Tali gazed at the setting sun and she could not help but be astonished by this world's breathtaking beauty; although, she couldn't tell if she was truly amazed by this particular planet or if she was just felt this way because she had never lived on any planet before. Even the simple experience of watching the sunset was very foreign to her. She had seen plenty of stars during her time on the flotilla and as a part of other ships. But it was not often that she got to see one set as she did now.

"You say that now, but you'll drop dead if you try to eat anything here." Tali replied pointedly.

"That's...a good point." Garrus said with a wry nod.

Tali shifted around slightly in her seat and she felt a small jab from something in her pocket. It was the small rock that Shepard had given her back on Rannoch, and she was, once again, reminded of a happier time. It had been a simple gesture at the time when he gave it to her, but she treasured it nonetheless. And since the fall of the Reapers, it had grown even more important to her. She kept it with her at all times now, for she didn't have very much else to remember her Captain by. And not only that, but it also served as a grim reminder of the homeworld that she would probably not see again for many years, if ever again at all.

"I did get a message from Joker, though." Garrus said after a moment. "Repairs on the Normandy seem to be going smoothly. I get the feeling they aren't going as fast as he would like but, well...I have to imagine there are plenty of other ships waiting to get repairs."

Tali nodded but said nothing. After crash landing on an uncharted planet when the Crucible was activated, extensive repairs were needed for the Normandy; repairs that could not be made with their limited supplies. After a few days of work, the crew had managed to repair it enough so that it could fly once again, but there were still many repairs to be made before it was as good as new.

It was after they left that desolate planet that most of the crew went their separate ways. Before bringing in the ship for repairs, Joker dropped off anyone who wanted to leave down on the streets of London. From there, some choose to find transportation to other areas of the planet, perhaps in search of lost loved ones. Others chose to take a ship off the planet entirely, although there weren't many other places nearby that they could go, as the destruction of the mass effect relays made long-distance travel all but impossible at present time. And the rest, including Tali and Garrus, chose to begin anew where it had all ended.

"I get the feeling that you don't plan on rejoining the crew, though." Garrus continued.

"I don't think I can go back there, Garrus." Tali replied.

"Yeah, I thought so." Garrus responded. "To tell you the truth, I won't be either."

Only by looking back now could Commander Shepard's leadership be fully appreciated. Under his command, a human Alliance vessel had become home to a team consisting of many different species. This fact was easy to overlook under Shepard reign, but with him gone, the differences simply proved to be too much for the team to stick together. Somehow, Shepard had managed to mold these very different pieces into a single, cohesive unit; but without him as the glue that kept them together, that unit fell apart.

"By the way, I don't want to get your hopes up, but another shuttle arrived today from the Citadel." Garrus continued in the absence of a reply from Tali. "This one managed to find a few survivors, and it is bringing them to London for some medical attention. If you want, we can go check it out."

Tali nodded slowly, unable to find anything to say. The vivid memory of Shepard urging her and the rest of the squad to leave on the Normandy while he stayed behind to try to get into the Citadel still haunted her mind. She remembered the resolve in his eyes as the corpses of those less fortunate were decimated by Harbinger. He accepted his own death, perhaps even welcomed it. And it was hard to imagine a scenario in which he wasn't granted it.

But he made it to the Citadel, that much was clear. The Citadel's wards were opened and the Crucible was activated, and Admiral Hackett said that it was by Shepard's doing, having established communications with him. Looking at the state that the Citadel was in now, though, it almost seemed impossible that anyone could have survived. But if what Garrus said was true, and there truly were survivors on the Citadel, was it possible that Shepard could be among them?

Whether she truly believed that he could be alive or not was irrelevant. She simply had to try if there was any hope at all that Shepard could still be alive.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am using the default male Shepard's appearance in this story, so keep that in mind.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It was with an ounce of apprehension that Tali began to descend down the stairs into what had become London's temporary medical facility. As the hospitals across the city had been all but completely leveled by the Reaper invasion, the city's officials turned to the only area of the city that was mostly protected from the elements of nature and was large enough to hold the many wounded civilians, which turned out to be an underground parking garage.

The makeshift "hospital", as it was inaccurately called, was far from ideal for treating the gruesome injuries that some of the survivors had sustained. There was absolutely no privacy, as the parking garage was simply a single room, and the beds were little more than sleeping bags. Supplies were at a premium but the real problem was the shortage of doctors. Only a handful of medical professionals remained, and fewer still were uninjured and able to treat others. Several civilians offered to help out, but there was only so much that they could do without the assistance of a real doctor. The only consolation, if it could be called that, came from the very high casualty rate of those who were injured.

The parking garage, as it turned out, was in surprisingly good condition. The ceiling was completely intact and enough of the support pillars remained to keep it from collapsing. There were a few destroyed vehicles still parked and abandoned in it, but it was mostly empty, giving plenty of room for all of the injured. There were a few dozen injured patients spread out across the floor, but the room was, by no means, bustling with activity. Every one of the injured patients was either sleeping or trying to, and there were no other people visiting the patients in sight. The doctors were hurriedly moving from patient to patient, at an obvious shortage, but their efforts were admirable nonetheless.

"There, that is the shuttle that just returned from the Citadel." Garrus said after they descended to the last step, pointing to a vehicle on the other side of the garage. It was parked at the vehicle entrance to the garage, and a doctor and few civilians seemed to be in the process of unloading the presumably-unconscious passengers.

"They didn't return with many." Tali replied dishearteningly. There only seemed to be about ten people being unloaded from the shuttle.

"You saw the state it was in." Garrus said carefully, referring to the Citadel. "It's a wonder anyone survived at all."

"It was the center of our galaxy." Tali replied absently. "And all that's left of it could fit on a single shuttle."

Garrus frowned. "Come on." He urged as he began to take a step forward from the foot of the stairs. "Let's go check it out."

Tali followed right behind him, and they began to weave through the injured people that laid on the ground. Several of them looked up at her with a pitying look as she passed, and she felt a sharp pang of pity. Some of the injuries that were sustained were simply alarming; a mangled leg here, a missing arm there. But they were alive.

Tali felt an odd combination of curiosity and dread as they got nearer to the shuttle. The shuttle had brought back a whole slew of different species back from the Citadel, but it would be impossible to tell that without getting a good, close look at them. Every single one of the injured survivors that had been on the shuttle were completely covered in a thick coating of black ash and soot. They almost looked like living corpses, covered in this strange, black mixture. It was a wonder that they could even breath, for it definitely seemed as if their noses had been plugged up by this viscous combination.

"Hey, you two!" One of the civilian assistants said as Tali and Garrus neared the shuttle. He quickly approached them, almost looking annoyed. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, maybe you can help us." Garrus replied. "We are looking for a friend on the Citadel and..."

"We all had friends on the Citadel." The man snapped, clearly frustrated. However, he quickly regained better judgement and added, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm a little stressed. Look, just stay out of our way, alright? These people need treatment for their injuries, not a couple strangers looking for a miracle."

The man turned to walk away and rejoined the rest of the assistants. "Nice guy." Garrus said dryly, watching as the assistants carefully picked up the injured shuttle passengers and unceremoniously laid them down on thin blankets on the concrete ground. There were thirteen injured in total; a surprising number considering the size of the shuttle that had transported them.

A few minutes passed by as Tali and Garrus just stood by and watched the assistants tend to the wounded. The assistants were obviously working hard but the results did not show it, as most of these people needed far more attention than the assistants' limited numbers were able to give. And given the lengthy recovery time, it seemed unlikely that they would be done any time soon. Tali was starting to think about suggesting that they call off their excursion when they were met by another unfamiliar character.

"Been through hell, these ones have." Said a man who had appeared and stood next to Garrus. He was a middle-aged human with a heavy build and a gruff voice that sounded more like a growl than anything else. "Although who hasn't, I suppose."

"And you are?" Garrus asked, sounding perhaps a bit irritated.

"Names Jake." The man replied. "Shuttle pilot."

"So, you were just on the Citadel, I take it?" Garrus asked, realizing that this must be the man who had just transporting these wounded citizens.

"Aye, that I was." Jake responded. "Never thought I'd see hell until I laid eyes on that wasteland."

"That bad, huh?" Garrus asked.

"Anyone who wasn't killed and thrown into a damn pile by the Reapers was crushed by debris. And for the few that had even managed to survive that, there is so little food to go around that they'll starve before long." Jake replied. "A slaughterhouse is what it has become."

"War takes no prisoners." Garrus said dryly. "Are these the only ones you found?"

"Nah, there were more. Not many, mind you, but I could only take as many as my shuttle could fit." Jake said pointedly. "Found these ones scavenging in Zakera Ward. The Alliance is sending in a few larger vessels to do a more complete search."

"And what of Commander Shepard?" Tali asked hopefully, breaking her silence. "Did you hear anything about him?"

"Shepard?" Jake echoed. "That praised hero? I wouldn't know what he looks like, miss, much less where he would be. Hardly know anything about the guy."

Tali, admittedly, did allow herself to become slightly optimistic, but the man's answer didn't come as much of a surprise. "He's a friend." Garrus explained when Tali returned to silence.

"I don't think anyone made it out of this without losing some friends." Jake said impassively. "Heard he came back from the dead once before. Not sure how he can back from this one if he's on the Citadel. Doubt we'll even find the bodies of most of the victims up there."

Garrus and Jake continued talking to one another but Tali began to tune their conversation out. She was staring at the people that were lying on the ground in front of her with a mind full of thought, irrationally hoping that Shepard could be among them.

The three assistants were focusing all of their attention on removing the black powder from the bodies of the wounded, and had all but completely forgotten about their curious visitors. Tali rebelliously took advantage of this, taking a few steps in the direction of the nearest person spread out on the floor. It was an Asari, not much older than a child by their standards. She didn't have the black residue as bad as most, but she was unconscious and had a large, bloody gash across her forehead.

As hard as it was for her to do, Tali turned her back on the Asari and continued on to the next person. This one was a human female, but it was hard to discern any more than that. She was laying on her stomach, with every inch of her being a containing a black tinge of ash. Her hair was a tangled mess and it was impossible to tell what her true hair color was, as it also was a grainy shade of black.

Tali continued on to the next person, who appeared to be another human. This one was a male, and he was laying on his back and was just as unmoving as the rest. There weren't many distinguishing characteristics that she could pick up on, other than what appeared to be a tiny, crescent-shaped scar on his forehead along his hairline.

"Hey, miss!" A medical assistant called out. It was the same one who had told them off her. "Stand back!"

The man had approached her in an effort to apprehend her, but Tali, motivated by rapidly-developing visions of who she believed this man could be, tried to get even closer to the man on the ground. That scar was a signature characteristic of the one she was so desperately searching for. Could it be?

"Miss!" The man said even more urgently, and he reached out and grabbed Tali by the arm.

Tali shook her arm free but she stopped in her tracks to face the assistant. "I know that man!" Tali said, growing annoyed and frustrated. "You have to let me be with him!"

"This man needs medical attention." The man replied calmly. "You should know what that is like more than most. Just let us do our job and you'll be able to see him in a minute."

She should have felt insulted but a growing sense of anticipation gave her tunnel vision; all she could see was the man and his scar, the same scar that she had become very used to seeing over the past couple of months.

"Come on, Tali." Garrus said quietly. He had also walked over to where Tali stood, and he was trying to get her to recede. "There's nothing we can do."

"That's him, Garrus." Tali shot back. "I know it is."

"Are you sure?" Garrus said uncertainly. "I can see a damn thing with all that filth."

"Yes!" Tali said stubbornly, growing desperate. "Can't-"

"Step back!" The assistant interrupted, sensing that he had been forgotten. "I'll clean him up right now if it means that you two will give these people some space!"

Tali finally conceded, taking a couple steps backward with Garrus, but that didn't stop her heart from beating out of her chest. She knew that this man was her Shepard, it just had to be. Garrus, on the other hand, didn't seem as optimistic as she was. She soon noticed that he was giving her concerned glances rather than watch the assistant slowly scrub the black dust off of the man's body. Did he not think it was him? How could he not see it?

After ten solid minutes of scrubbing, the assistant had finally cleaned most of the man's upper torso and head. It was then, as if on cue, that the man began to wake up. This action clearly startled the assistant, who had been in the process of wiping his forearms clean. The man began to stir and let out a loud, deep groan, as if he had just enjoyed a very long and gratifying sleep.

Tali was unable to control herself any longer. In a few leaping bounds, she covered the distance between her and the man, a deep sense of longing quickly overcoming her. The assistant didn't seem to approve when he saw her, but he did nothing to impede her, so she was free to look down on the man that she so deeply ached to see again.

But what she saw wasn't what she had been expecting or hoping for. Embroidered on the man's chestplate was a dirty, slightly-discolored "C-Sec" logo. And, when she and the man locked eyes for a moment, Tali was met with a very unfamiliar shade of green.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I suppose you want to talk." Tali said stiffly when she heard the door to her and Garrus' apartment open and footsteps walk inside.

She was sitting on the sofa, absently staring through the hole in the wall at the distant horizon. She was not facing the door, but it was quite obvious to her who had just walked in.

"No." Garrus replied simply as he trudged across the room and sat down on the sofa as well. "Want to grab a bite to eat? I could use a good meal right now."

Tali couldn't help but feel aggravated. After being overcome with the despair of realizing that she had placed all of her faith in a man who wasn't the man she believed him to be, she had fled to the confines of her apartment in an attempt to cope with her developing depression. And an interruption from the best, and probably only, friend she had left was not exactly something she wanted to deal with.

"Cut the crap, Garrus." Tali said angrily. "I know why you're here and I really don't need it right now."

"I haven't said a word about that." Garrus said coolly, knowing exactly what she was referring to.

"For now." Tali shot back. "But it won't be long before you do."

"I can't blame you for being put into a tough situation." Garrus said softly. "Hell, I have no idea what I would do in your spot. But that doesn't matter. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. You don't answer to me."

Tali tried to remain defiant but her resoluteness was wavering. Curse him! His consolation was unbearably beneficial to her entire well-being, a fact that she dearly wanted to deny. And now that he was here and she was overcome by his good-natured support, she found it hard to leave, as she had been planning to do.

"Damn it, Garrus." Tali said in a huff. She could feel herself breaking down but she was powerless to stop it. "I...I don't know if I can do this."

"Life wouldn't be worth living if it was easy." Garrus replied lightly. "You'll find a way, Tali. You always do."

She usually considered it a curse on her people, but in this case, Tali felt grateful that she was hidden behind her mask. She didn't want Garrus to see her, the real her, in her current state. "But how, Garrus?" Tali asked, trying to sound as emotionless as possible over her breaking voice. "How?"

"That's not a question I can know the answer to." Garrus replied carefully.

Tali sighed lightly. "I was so...stupid to think that he can still be alive. It was like he died again when I realized that man wasn't him."

"There is nothing dumb about continuing to believe." Garrus replied. "Hell, I'd say it is downright inspiring."

"Continuing to believe through despair brings nothing but pain." Tali said. "There's nothing inspiring about that."

"Don't say that." Garrus replied. "You know it isn't true."

Tali paused for a moment before asking, "Do you think he's still out there, Garrus?"

Garrus seemed to be startled by the question, and was hesitant to give an answer. "I..." He began to say.

"Forget it." Tali interrupted, taking his hesitation to mean the worst. "I don't think I want to know."

Silence engulfed the two of them for a couple of minutes. Tali was wearily watching through the hole in the wall as a shuttle passed by overhead. It caused a light draft to enter the complex as it neared, and wind rustled loose impediments for a few seconds before all was still once more. The shuttle was beginning a descent nearby, perhaps to drop off more survivors from the Citadel.

"I should have been on the Citadel with him." Tali said, her voice hardly louder than a whisper.

"What?" Garrus exclaimed, genuinely surprised. "You don't mean that, Tali."

"I do!" Tali said stubbornly. "Anything to get rid of this damn regret."

"He went to the Citadel alone to save you, to save all of us." Garrus replied. "He wanted to go alone so that you could survive."

"What about what I want?" Tali responded angrily.

"It wouldn't have changed anything, Tali." Garrus said. "If you went to the Citadel with him, your death would have been for nothing."

"I don't care." Tali said obstinately.

"I care." Garrus said softly.

Tali felt a faint stab of remorse and began to feel herself calming down a bit. She genuinely didn't know how to respond to that. "I..." She began, her voice suddenly meek and quiet. "You mean that?"

"I've lost far too many friends to lose another." Garrus replied.

"You're right." Tali replied slowly, nodding slowly at the same time. She held her head down low for a moment of two, lost in thought, before she added, "I'm glad that you're here, Garrus."

"Plus, there is also the small matter of the money you owe me from that bet we made." Garrus said lightheartedly.

It took a minute or two for Tali to remember the bet that he was referring to, which they had jokingly made back on the Normandy before the final strike on Earth. She looked up to find Garrus smirking at her, and she said in reply, "I don't owe you one lousy credit."

"Oh, come on, be a sport." Garrus said, seemingly finding joy in the situation.

"I won that, and you know it." Tali said resolutely. "Chiktikka had twice as many kills as you did."

"Your drone doesn't count." Garrus replied dismissively. "The bet was between you and me."

"I made her, why the hell shouldn't it count?" Tali asked.

"Fine." Garrus muttered in defeat. "We'll call it inconclusive."

"Yeah, you would like that, wouldn't you?" Tali said mockingly, but she pursued him no further. In truth, she didn't want his money, nor would she have even noticed had she paid him. Money had become nothing more than a unneeded and unwanted entity in light of all that she had endured.

Slowly, Tali rose to her feet and approached the gaping hole in the wall of their apartment. It was almost like a cliff; the floor just stopped and opened up to a ten-story drop down to the streets of London below. And, as such, there was no protection from a steep and surely-fatal fall, but Tali seemed unconcerned about that. She came to a stop about one meter away from the ledge and simply stared up into the sky. The Citadel was still up there somewhere, but from where she stood, it was nowhere to be seen.

"I need to end this, Garrus." Tali murmured after a moment of silence.

"What are you talking about?" Garrus asked. He seemed slightly disconcerted, as if he mistakenly believed that she was ready to jump.

But Tali had no intention of doing so. "I can't wait here any longer." She replied. "I need to go find him."

"You want to go to the Citadel?" Garrus asked, slightly confused.

"Yes." Tali said simply.

"Are you sure?" Garrus asked. "What you find may not be what you were looking for."

"I know." Tali replied quietly. "But I can't go on without knowing."

"Alright. But I'm coming with you." Garrus said as he rose from the sofa and walked over next to her on their improvised balcony. "And, for the record, I agree with you."

"Do you think Joker would be willing to take us to the Citadel?" Tali asked.

"Joker? Are you kidding?" Garrus said with a wry grin. "I'm sure he would just love an excuse to take the Normandy out for a spin, fully repaired or not."

Tali smiled lightly, but that gestured went unnoticed behind her mask. "Can you ask him for me?"

"Of course." Garrus replied lightly. "With any luck, he'll be able to pick us up tomorrow morning."

Tali nodded. "Thanks, Garrus." She said.

Garrus seemed to notice that her thanks were referring to more than just him agreeing to talk to Joker, for he gave her a knowing look and slight smile before leaving her side and exiting out the door of their apartment. Tali knew that he had to go down to the Turian command station on the ground floor of this building in order to gain the technology required to establish communications with the Normandy, so she turned back around and began to stare silently into the skies again.

He might still be out there. He might not. But she had to know either way, for it would be easier than dealing with this unknown.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Are you alright?" Garrus asked softly.

Tali nodded slightly as she stood in silence. Truth be told, she couldn't tell if she was alright or not. Her whole being was numb, unmoving. It almost seemed impossible to feel anything at all. But she let Garrus remain in blissful ignorance, although it seemed unlikely that he was fooled by her barefaced lies.

The two of them were standing alone in the middle of a deserted landing zone in the heart of London, simply waiting. A subtle, yet utterly unmistakeable hum of an engine was present in the cool, still air, and the sound bore an undeniable resemblance to the sound of the engines of a vessel that she had become very familiar with over the past couple of years. It truly was a remarkable ship, the Normandy; a marvel of modern engineering. Its movements simply looked effortless as it continued its descent down towards their location. But it takes a first-class pilot to command a first-class vessel, and as Joker himself would be the first to acknowledge, the Normandy boasts perhaps the best pilot there is.

The Normandy settled to a hovering stop at a height of about a dozen meters over the landing zone before it began to open the hanger bay hatch. It took a moment for the hatch to fully open, allowing Tali and Garrus to carefully position themselves underneath the Normandy in preparation to hop aboard as soon as they were able. The two of them stepped onto the hatch when it got low enough, and no more than a couple of seconds later, the hatch was beginning to close once again. Tali was beginning to wonder how Joker knew when to close the hatch, but she soon realized that she was perhaps giving him too much credit. Standing about ten meters in front of them, in the middle of the Normandy's shuttle bay, was none other that Liara.

"Garrus. Tali." Liara said as they approached. "It is good to see you two again."

"Liara!" Garrus exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Yes, Joker let me know what was going on and asked if I would like to join, and I found myself unable to refuse." Liara explained. "You look well, Tali. I hope the past couple of days haven't been too hard on you."

"No harder than expected." Tali replied vaguely.

"I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or concerned." Liara replied hesitantly.

"Err, perhaps it's best not to ask." Garrus replied. "It has been a strange week."

"As it has been for us all." Liara said. "Come on, the others are waiting for us."

"Others?" Tali asked, genuinely surprised. "Joker invited more?"

"Of course." Liara replied simply. "I'll let you see for yourself. Follow me, they're waiting."

With that, Liara spun around and headed towards the elevator in the shuttle bay, with Garrus and Tali right behind her. They rode it up to the third floor in silence, where Liara led them out and into the mess hall.

The staggering number of people gathered there truly surprised Tali. Most of the former squad and many of the Normandy's crew members now occupied the space in front of her. Kaidan, James and Jacob occupied the table in the mess hall and were playing a friendly game of poker. A small group of people, including the likes of Dr. Chakwas and Engineer Adams, surrounded the table and were watching and quietly talking to each other. Others still, such as Miranda, took solace in solitude, away from the crowded mess hall table.

Liara smiled lightly at them before she began to walk over to the others. Some of them had noticed Tali and Garrus' arrival, and were beckoning them over. Tali nodded awkwardly at them before turning to Garrus and saying quietly, "You go on ahead. I'll catch up later."

Garrus gave her a very knowing glance, to which Tali simply shrugged off and urged, "Just go, I'm fine."

Tali spun around and left the others to cast questioning looks at her back as she disappeared around the corner and back into the elevator. She wasn't sure if Joker had gathered up everyone simply for her benefit or if he thought that they could help with the search, but regardless, this unexpected squad reunion was the last thing that she wanted right now. It certainly was good to see them in good health, but their presence simply made her Shepard's absence even more noticeable.

Tali rode the elevator up to the top floor where she stepped out into a bedroom that had, on more than a few occasions, been her own. But that had been back during a happier time, and she had no intention of staying any longer than she had to this time around. In truth, she was not quite sure where this sudden inspiration came from. She was trying to tell herself that it she was simply taking a step towards moving on, but that wasn't true at all. She was no closer to moving on now that she had been the moment she watched Shepard make his charge towards the beam. The real reason eluded her. It simply felt like the right thing to do.

Tali crossed the room and came to a stop in front of the nightstand next to the bed. The picture of herself was still resting on top of it, untarnished; as if nothing had happened. The callous sting of longing swept through her as she stared into this cursed mirror of herself – a reminder of the perfection she had taken for granted. She had half a mind to pick it up and fling it across the room but she held back, for even in her emotionally depraved state, she knew that this memento of trust meant more to her than she realized.

Instead, Tali reached out and carefully pushed it aside a little bit to make some room. She then reached into her pocket and brought out the stone from Rannoch that she had been carrying around. She laid it to rest on the table and gave a light sigh, feeling as though a great burden had been relieved of her.

"Keelah se'lai." Tali muttered appropriately, finding it hard to think of anything else to say. Perhaps ironic, however, as she was intentionally leaving a piece of the Homeworld behind.

With no further reason to stay and many to leave, Tali turned her back on the makeshift monument and crossed the room with nary a backward glance. She let the elevator doors close swiftly behind her before she turned around. And though the doors did indeed break her line of sight, it was unable to completely sever the ties that bound her to that aspect of her past life.

Tali quickly selected her destination on the elevator keypad, attempting to shrug off the lingering thoughts that were crawling through her mind. Instead of traveling back down to the third floor, as she probably should have done, Tali only went down one floor and got off on the second. The Combat Information Center was at an obvious loss for activity, Tali noticed as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. As the ship was no longer needed for battle purposes, much of the devices and control panels in this area of the ship became redundant and were no longer in use at this time. Only a couple crew members were scattered across the room, casually working on their monitors, as Tali made her way to the bridge of the Normandy.

"Hey, Tali." Joker said quietly when Tali walked into the bridge. "I'm glad you came, there's something I wanted to tell you."

Tali was somewhat started by his greeting, mostly because Joker was seated in his chair with his back to her as she approached. Nonetheless, Tali shook it off and asked, "What is it?"

"I've been picking up a couple distress messages over the passed few hours." Joker stated impassively. "I don't want to say anything for certain, but I think that they came from Shepard's communicator."

"What?" Tali asked eagerly. Try as she did to repress her emotions for fear of being wrong once again, she could not help but feel her hopes soar at this piece of news from Joker. "Are you sure?"

"The signal has been so distorted, it is impossible to tell." Joker replied. "The communicator must have taken significant damage because even the communicator's signature is indistinguishable, let alone what is actually being said in the message."

"Then why do you think it is him?" Tali asked quietly.

"Call it a hunch." Joker said. "There are several similarities between this signal and the signal that Shepard's communicator gave out; enough to be worth a look."

"And the message can't be cleared up?" Tali asked.

"Maybe. If EDI were here..." Joker paused as his voice trailed off for a moment. "Well, I can't do it."

Tali felt a stab of pity as she realized she was not the only one here who had lost someone close, as EDI had also fallen with the destruction of the Reapers. She didn't know what to say (and gained a new appreciation for what Garrus and the others were putting with for her in the process), but fortunately, she would not have to. An incoming comm instantly filled the room, as the voice of a young woman said, "Come in, SSV Normandy." She sounded professional, probably an officer on an Alliance ship.

Looking out the window, Tali noticed that they were rapidly nearing the destroyed Citadel. As it turned out, they were not the only ones attempting to get in, as there were dozens of ships hovering in space around it, all probably talking to an Alliance official like they were now.

"We read you." Joker replied.

"These are orders direct from Alliance Command." The lady over the comm said. "Turn back. The Citadel is currently not accepting visitors."

"We are here to help." Joker said, which was only partially true.

"All the same, I must insist that you turn back." The lady urged.

"Can I ask why?" Joker asked, becoming slightly annoyed.

"Between the scavengers and hopeful survivors searching for loved ones, the Citadel is simply in no state to allow all these people to dock."

"Look, this is the Normandy, surely you have heard of this ship." Joker replied sharply.

"Of course I have." She answered.

"Then you would know how much this ship has already done for the galaxy and how much more it is willing to do." Joker shot back.

The lady paused for a moment. "Wait right there, Normandy. I will see what I can do."

As soon as he noticed that the comm had been disconnected, Joker muttered with a sigh, "The Alliance hardly has any ships left, and they waste them on this?" He made an unpleasant sound with his lips. "Anyway, you may want to go down with the others. I'm guessing this will take a while."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"You're awfully quiet."

Tali looked up from her seat on the sofa to see Liara walking towards her. She was not looking at her, but rather was staring out the window into the space beyond, as Tali herself had been doing just seconds previously. Outside, a clear view of the Citadel was available, along with hundreds of pieces of scrap metal floating in the surrounding space that had once been a part of it. The destruction was hard to digest, seeing what the focal point of the entire galaxy had been reduced to. It still showed no signs of improvement, even after all this time. It just remained, endured. Almost like herself.

"Just thinking." Tali replied. She had hoped nobody had seen her arrival, but evidently, that was not the case. She had returned down to the third floor, just as Joker had suggested, but she didn't go back into the mess hall, even though the sounds of laughter and light conversation certainly were inviting. Instead, she had entered the lounge area on the left side of the ship, a room that had previously been occupied by Kasumi back during the Collector threat, in order to gain some time alone.

"I'd ask you what about, but I think I have a fairly good idea already." Liara said, her eyes focused somewhere out into the great abyss of space.

Now that Tali was getting a good look at her, she noticed that Liara looked a bit worse for wear as well. It was a subtle difference really, but there was something of a struggle in the way she carried herself and her eyes showed signs of fatigue. Tali wasn't sure what had brought this on – perhaps it was her distress at the prospect of never returning to Thessia. Or it could have even been Shepard. His impact on Liara was profound as well; so much so that Tali even felt a bit jealous back during their journeys together. But she felt no such emotion now, as it had faded into nonexistence with just about every other feeling that once defined her.

Tali had a mind to ask Liara about what was bothering her, if only to distract her from her own troubles, but decided against it. In the silence that ensued, Liara continued, "Do you think he's still there?"

Tali noticed that Liara was staring at the Citadel, as if there was any doubt that the Citadel was what she was referring to. In actuality, Tali really was starting to believe that he could be there. Joker's words had given her a shred of hope that she had not felt since she realized that man in London wasn't Shepard. But Tali decided not to tell Liara this, for she didn't want Liara to also feel a sting of deep disappointment in the very likely event that Joker was wrong. Instead, Tali simply shrugged and said, "Guess we'll find out."

"We'll scrounge the entire Citadel if that's what it takes." Liara said with a passion. "Speaking of which, I hope you have a better idea than that, or we'll be running through the Citadel for months."

"I do." Tali said carefully, not wanting to reveal too much. "Joker does, actually."

"Oh, this oughta be good." Garrus said, emerging into the room. Tali, and Liara too by the look of it, had been so focused on the Citadel that she had not even heard the door open to announce Garrus' arrival. "Wait, let me guess. He wants us to tell bad jokes. That'll lure him out, Shepard always had a soft spot for those. No?"

For the first time in a while, Tali found herself laughing, and the joke wasn't even funny. But she could vividly picture Joker walking around the Citadel spewing his unbearable sarcasm, trying to get Shepard to come out. "I don't think even Joker is that dense." Liara said quickly before turning her attention back to the window.

"Oh, I'm not sure about that." Garrus replied. It was obvious that he was really enjoying himself now. "You must give him too much credit because his piloting obviously needs some work. Are we even moving?"

Tali knew that she was the only one among them that knew the reason for their delay, as she was the only one by Joker's side when he had answered the message. "Alliance protocol, apparently." Tali stated plainly. "They aren't letting anyone on the Citadel, but Joker is trying to pull some strings to get us on."

"But we are getting in, right?" Liara asked.

Tali wanted to say that they would, but she just didn't know. "It sounded like they were going to let us on." Tali said.

Liara didn't seem very convinced but Garrus seemed to have forgotten the matter entirely. He was looking down on Tali with a knowing grin, and said, "Well, I think I just found out where you ran off to."

Tali held her tongue, knowing that he was only partly correct. But she let Garrus remain ignorant, for she didn't really want to reveal the other half. "Your detective skills truly are a thing to behold, Garrus." She said wearily.

"I know." Garrus replied, trying to display an air of superiority and doing a surprisingly good job. "Try not to take it in all at once."

Tali just shook her head in exasperation and went back to looking out the window. In the silence that followed, Liara said, "Those are Alliance ships. Are they all being used to block our approach?"

There were many ships off in the distance, and most of them were independently owned and were attempting to get onto the Citadel. But there were no small amount of Alliance ships, either; Tali was able to easily recognize them even from their far proximity. Liara was looking at her, expecting an answer, so Tali simply nodded.

"What a waste. It seems like there are much more productive things that they can do." Liara said disdainfully. Tali shared the same opinion but she held her silence.

"Like helping a certain Asari scientist get the Mass Relays up and running again?" Garrus hinted.

"I was actually suggesting that they be used to help evacuate the survivors on the Citadel, but yes, if they were to volunteer, I would gladly accept their help." Liara snapped. "One researcher working alone isn't going to get the Relays working again. Not in this lifetime anyway."

With that, Tali realized why Liara looked so fatigued. She was not grief-stricken as Tali had assumed; or, if she was, she was very good at concealing it. Rather, she truly was simply fatigued. While Tali was in London doing nothing at all, Liara had been working tirelessly to get the Relays available for use again.

"Have you made any progress?" Tali asked quietly, although she knew it was too much to think that Liara could get the Relays up again anytime soon.

"Some, but nowhere near enough." Liara replied. "I've been researching in the Prothean Archives on Mars, and there is far more information on the subject than I could have hoped for. But it would take years for me to simply decipher all of it, and even then, it is likely we won't have the technology needed to replicate their notes."

"Keep at it, Liara." Garrus said. "You'll get plenty of help once things start to settle down."

Liara didn't reply, and Tali began to wonder how much she thought about Thessia over the past week. Tali herself didn't think much of Rannoch at all, but that's only because she had the uncertainty regarding Shepard to distract her from those painful thoughts, for better or worse. Surely Liara, and Garrus too for that matter, must be thinking about her own homeworld constantly.

"Tali, why don't you come with us back to the others?" Garrus asked quietly, drawing both Tali and Liara from their thoughts.

Tali sighed, but it went unheard by the other two by virtue of her mask. There really wasn't any half-decent reason for her to evade them again. But just as she was about to begrudgingly accept, the ground beneath her feet gave a barely-distinguishable lurch. And a few seconds later, Tali noticed that the Citadel seemed to begin getting closer.

The Normandy was on the move once again.

* * *

Tali sighed lightly as she walked through the ruins that were once a street on the Presidium. It was clear after only a few minutes of looking at the place that there was very little chance of finding any life in this area of the Citadel. The Presidium was hit the hardest when the Citadel was destroyed, along with the sections of the wards closest to the Presidium. Which, come to think of it, was evidence enough that Shepard had been here.

Whole buildings had collapsed under their own weight, leaving debris to fill the area and spew out onto the streets. As most of the buildings were built on top of each other, this didn't bode well for the residents on the lower floors. Although, that was not to say that the fortunate ones on the upper floors had a very good chance of survival either.

Tali allowed herself to hold onto that shred of hope that Joker had given her, even though her mind told her not to. He insisted that the signal came from somewhere around here, but he couldn't get a very good read on it due to interference or perhaps a faulty or damaged communicator. It may have come from a whole kilometer from this spot. Or it could have come from below this endless debris. For all he knew, it could just be a looped message that was recorded from earlier.

But still, she pushed on. Upon arrival, the squad decided to split up and search individually, hoping to cover more ground that way. They all donned on their squad communicators, perhaps for the last time, and agreed to inform everyone else if they found anything. Even now, it was being used by some of the others, but Tali wasn't really listening in. They were just talking for the company, not to announce the big discovery that Tali was hoping for.

It had been about fifteen minutes since they had split up and most of the others were no longer in view. She could only see the shadowy outline of James off in the distance, his silhouette shuffling among the debris and occasionally bending down to get a better look at something that may have looked promising. He must have seen her looking at him, for he gave a subtle shake of his head before turning his attention elsewhere.

Tali turned and focused once again on her own area, hoping that the others were having better luck, for she had yet to see any bodies at all, dead or alive. The closest thing she had seen so far was the severed arm of a human lying in a pool of ash and dried blood. The rest of the body must be somewhere close, possibly underneath the giant slab of rock that protruded from the ground nearby, but Tali had no mind to find out. Normally, such a sight would surely have disturbed her, but she had enough of disturbing thoughts on her mind now that this one didn't have much affect. She simply turned her head and continued on.

Listening into the comm, it seemed that at least some of the others had stumbled upon life. In particular, she heard Miranda saying, "Leave him, Jacob. He'll be dead within the hour anyway."

Presumably, the two of them had just crossed paths and had differing opinions about a man who was slowly dying there. "We can't just leave him." Jacob said angrily.

"He's delirious, I doubt he even knows you're there." Miranda replied calmly. "You can't help him if he won't let you."

There's no reply from Jacob. Either he saw some logic in her words and continued on in his search or he rebelliously ignored his comm to focus on treating the injured man.

In any event, Tali pressed on, passing by the corpse of a lone Turian with a C-Sec logo emblemized to the front of his uniform. Up a bit past the Turian was the entrance to a building that had somehow remained mostly upright. Shards of glass and medium-sized chunks of rock hindered her approach as she neared the building, where the entrance had collapsed somewhat. But the opening was still large enough for her to navigate through, so she carefully stepped in and entered what appeared to be the remains of a C-Sec building.

The inside of the building was in surprisingly good shape. A small section of the room had been reduced to rubble as the roof did collapse in that area, but the rest was only covered in dust and small rocks. There was a second, passable exit on the opposite side of the building, which seemed to lead out into a small alleyway. Surveillance equipment and virtual archives littered the room, but all of them looked to be inoperable. The large monitors mounted to the walls were cracked but had somehow managed to remain upright. There was a desk at the head of the room with two seats, both of which were unoccupied. The remnants of a staircase were scattered amongst the rubble and it was impossible to navigate to the upper floor and beyond, which was probably equally unnavigable due to debris.

Amidst all of the common rubble, Tali actually did find something that caught her eye. On the desk, there was a fairly powerful communication unit. It was severely damaged and the equipment was cracked in places, but it seemed to be operational. The Citadel-wide power outage should have rendered the device useless, but upon closer inspection, Tali noticed that the unit had its own backup supply of power. And not only was unit capable of use, it was also readily obvious that it had indeed been used recently. It was covered in a thick layer of dust, presumably created when the Citadel was destroyed, but the dust had been disturbed by numerous bloody fingerprints.

It was a moment or two after making this discovery that Tali's thoughts turned to Shepard. Could it be possible that it was he who had used this comm unit? She had no idea what happened to him while he was up here, but considering the mass destruction, it could be likely that his own communicator had been destroyed and he needed to seek a new one out.

With this thought process in mind, Tali felt her hopes begin to rise, and she hastily bounded out of the opposite door of the building. She found herself in the middle of a dank alleyway. One way was a dead end, but turning the other way, Tali noticed that she was not alone. Up a little ways in front of her were three shadowy figures, two of which were standing still and staring down at the third which was lying on the ground.

With a grim sense of foreboding, Tali cautiously made her way over the others. Her heart was beating right out of her chest now and she had to consciously remember to breath, else she would have fainted from lack of air. The figure on the ground was still too far to see by her eyes, but her mind was eagerly filling in the blanks.

The two people who were standing were Engineer Adams and Kaidan. They were both completely silent as they stared down at the third figure. Never before had Tali seen either of them stand so still. Their faces were emotionless and hard to read; Tali tried to find any sense of relief or happiness etched onto their features, but she just couldn't find any. They just projected the same cold, unknowing look that had come to define herself over the past week.

Tali's pace gradually picked up into a run as she closed the gap between herself and the others. Her hopes, or fears perhaps, were soon confirmed once she got closer, as she could easily recognize her Captain's face even through a thick layer of dirt. It took all the resolve she could muster to not lunge into Shepard's still body once she got close enough. He was riddled with injuries, most of which looked to be serious, life-threatening ones. That, of course, was assuming that he was still alive.

Tali settled for kneeling on the ground right next to Shepard, desperately brushing aside the dirt on his unconscious face. She soon realized that this was a bad idea, as the infected cuts on his face became lined with fresh blood at her hand's disturbance. She quickly forced her hand away and began trying to think clearly despite the fact that her mind was befuddled with contradicting thoughts.

Tali looked down on her Shepard, starting to grow worried. The sight of fresh blood probably was a good sign, but the fact remained that he had not made a single move since Tali had arrived. His eyes were closed and his body was completely limp. "No, no, you can't be dead..." Tali whispered, her concern suddenly becoming panic. Her knowledge of human physiology was limited, but she did know a few of their basic living functions as they were fairly similar to her own, and she began examining him for any sign of life. She pushed down lightly with her hand on his chest to see if he was breathing, put a couple of fingers against the crane of his neck to feel for a pulse, but it was all no use. Her hands were trembling so much by now that it was impossible to tell which, if any, of the movements were caused by the unconscious Shepard.

But just as she was about to ask one of the others for a steadier hand, Tali saw his eyelids begin to twitch. Now her hands immediately stopped trembling and her heart simply stopped as she watched his eyes flutter open. Their eyes locked for a moment before he squeezed them shut and shook his head lightly, as if he was trying to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming. When he opened his eyes again, he was squinting lightly, but his attention was focused solely on her.

For a moment, they simply looked at each other without a word. Tali had imagined this moment many, many different times over the past couple of days but in every scenario, she had something witty or romantic to say. No such words came to her now. Shepard, surely, knew the right words to say, but he was equally silent.

Shepard smiled and began to raise his arm to rest on the side of her mask, but it was quickly apparent that he was too weak to do so. He couldn't make it halfway before his hand started to droop, and Tali had to catch his hand in her own lest it fall back down. She squeezed it lightly and savored in his touch, desperately wishing that she could feel his skin against her own again, without this damn suit in the way.

Over her comm, Tali heard joyous voices but she didn't listen in. Evidently, one of the Kaidan and Adams had broken out of his trance and had announced Shepard's fate to the rest of the squad. Even now, several others were approaching and gathering around their location but Tali still took no notice in them, and they knew better than to interrupt her during this intimate moment.

Tali felt a single tear running down her face as she sat there, locked hands with her Shepard. Shepard's features had changed quite a bit during the week that they were apart. His normally deep blue eyes were red and bloodshot. Bags were noticeable underneath his eyes and his entire body seemed weak with fatigue. He had definitely lost some weight, which all things considered, was not all that surprising. His uniform had become dyed a dark, dull red from dirt and dried blood. He had one particularly significant injury in his gut which was still oozing blood through a makeshift bandage he had made out of some discarded cloth. All of these worrisome features should have had her full attention, but Tali found herself focusing mostly on his newly-grown beard. He certainly didn't have the time, energy, motivation or even supplies to trim his facial hair during his stay on the Citadel, and the medium-length stubble on his face proved it. She had never seen him with a beard before, and this only made her realize how much she still had to learn about the man she loved. And now that he had been returned to her, she would have plenty of time to do just that.

They remained together in silence for what seemed like a blissful eternity before Shepard finally opened his mouth and said, hardly audible over a whisper, "I thought I told you to go home."

Finally, the full realization of the situation overwhelmed Tali. For the first time since he was taken from her, she felt truly happy. Tali let out a sob that she somehow passed as a laugh and replied, " And I thought I told you. I am home."


End file.
